Dear Issuesgirl,

I have being going with a great guy for 2yrs. He is 34, great-looking, and a successful doctor. We are supposed to get married next month. Last week we were watching a football game with friends -- one of the girls made a joke about the size of black men's penises. I said, it's not true, I dated 2 black men in college, and they were average.

My boyfriend gave me a look of disgust. (I've never told him much of my past and he has never asked.) He didn't talk to me for much of the night. On the ride home, he said he was tired and dropped me off at my home. We live together 90% of the time, so I knew something was wrong. He then called me that night and said no white guy would marry a girl who "f**ked ni**ers" -- he told me the marriage is off and never to call him again. He won't take my calls. I'm heartbroken -- lost.

What do I do!!!! Please help me!!! My male friends tell me most white guys feel this way. Is that true? I'm just sick. Please tell me how to get him back.

Signed,

Brokenhearted Bride

 

 

 

Dear Bride,

Get him back? Yes, I can just see the wedding now – you in a white gown, the groom in a white hood. *sigh* You ought to thank your lucky stars this came out now, and not later. Put simply, he's racist! And furthermore, he's judging you harshly based on your choices made years ago. These are both serious flaws, in my opinion. Is that the kind of partner you want for the next fifty or so years? Someone who thinks he is better than an entire ethnic group, and someone who thinks he's better than YOU?

I know you are so disappointed and heartbroken. Most everyone feels terrible after a sudden breakup, no matter what the circumstances. You thought you had a “great guy”… but being a cute and successful doctor does not make up for being morally corrupt.

And I don't know what Klan meetings these friends of yours have been going to, but a mature and ethical man would never be so arrogant as to judge you for who you've slept with in the past. I wonder how the doctor and these friends of yours would like to be on trial for all their past hook-ups. And I don' t know how "most white guys" feel about this situation. But I know plenty of guys, white and otherwise, who care about women for who they are and how they behave in the present, and NOT for what they did in college.

I'm sorry, Bride, but I'm not going to advise you on how to get him back. The only way that should happen is if he somehow miraculously comes to his senses, apologizes to you profusely for being an arrogant jerk, and gets some serious training in cultural sensitivity.

Humbly yours,

Issuesgirl