Dear Issuesgirl,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 1/2 years, and we have lived together for 1 year. He is a homebody and doesn't hang with a lot of friends; when we go out, we're together. The other night, he was not honest to let me know someone else was going to pick him up from a friend's restaurant; I went back 4 hours later and he was gone. I found a CONDOM in his pocket the same night!!!! We don't use condoms!!! He said that it was just a random purchase in the men's room, that he really didn't think about before spending the 25 cents. Then he also came up with the name "Darren" that he was hanging out with. The next day, he was trying to be loving, telling me he loves me, saying “let's get married,” and he took me and my sons to the movies. He says that I'm blowing this way up more than it should be and that we have been more intimate in the last week (which is true). I made the mistake of sleeping with him after this occurred and he says that if I didn't trust him, I wouldn't have slept with him again. IS HE or DID he CHEAT? Why would he have purchased a condom if he had no plans to use it? What should I think.... What should I do? Sit back and wait for more signs? PLEASE HELP!!!!!

Signed,

On The Pill

Dear On The Pill:

Who buys a condom without thinking about it? There is a very specific purpose for a condom. It is for sexual intercourse. That's it. And if you two don't use them together, then it must be for use with someone else. Imagine if he found pregnancy test in your purse and you said, “Oh, I dunno, I just picked one up, I'm not sure why.” It makes no sense. I don't believe it for a minute, and neither should you.

And how is he going to tell you who you trust and don't trust? That is for you to decide. You yourself call sleeping with him after the incident a “mistake”! On one hand, you don't trust him, and on the other, you don't want to believe that he could be a cheater. Not that he has hooked up with anyone else… Maybe he was just thinking about scoring when he bought that condom. Oh, but there's the fact that he was so sweet, trying to make it up to you the next day… wait, if he didn't do anything wrong, why is he trying to make it up to you? Hmm.

All that confusion around his ride from the restaurant may, or may not be related. That may be just a matter of communication. But it adds to his guilty appearance that he claims to be hanging out with some guy you've apparently never heard of before.

And he's talking about getting married? I wouldn't marry this guy unless you can regain some serious trust. Is this who you want to rely on – who you want your sons to rely on – for the rest of your life?

Humbly yours,

Issuesgirl