Dear Issuesgirl,

I really like a co-worker of mine, and after we had gotten to talking, I got the nerve to ask her out. She said yes. She tells me she is a 26 year old virgin and won't sleep with me but only her future husband. I said alright, no big deal, I enjoyed spending time with her and her family and it wasn't an issue to me. We dated about almost 2 months and at this time I am falling in love with her. Well, one night I tell her this and she calls off things 2 days later and says she wants to be alone and for us to be friends. This is a girl in the 2 months I didn't kiss but held hands with, I didn't worry about it.

My problem with her is this: I had always asked her after she had broken it off if she wanted me in her life as a friend or more, and I always got “I am not sure” and “I don't know.” Two months ago, I broke off things for a while, because I was upset at something lame as her not calling me back. We were arguing a lot here and there. I finally seen her 2 weeks ago at work, and she didn't look happy. I texted her this past Saturday saying I was hoping she was feeling better cause she was recently in the hospital. I texted her Monday saying, I hope things are good for her and her family. Monday she didn't respond to my text, and Saturday she did.

The last I heard from a mutual friend is that she still cared. But now, when I have seen her at work I haven't talked to her. Every time I see her she doesn't look happy. I have left her alone cause I had texted and tried to get a hold of her a lot the last time before our big fight. I am not sure what to do at this point, wait on things, or what? Right now it's weighing heavy on my mind. Any advice would be nice. Thank you.

Signed,

Hand Holder

Okay, here's the thing. In a dating situation most people are never going to give us a flat-out rejection. They might fail to return your calls, or avoid making solid plans with you. This is especially true for women, who may feel a cultural expectation that they should be pleasant and friendly to nearly everyone they meet. Some women will only say “Sorry, NO” is to some slimy jerk in a bar who invites her to that proverbial party in his pants. For the nicer guy, she's going to be more subtle.

I think you are missing the subtlety here. You were dating for two months, you told her you were falling in love, and she freaked out and bailed. Well… that's not so subtle. So you already know she doesn't feel that way you. She says she'll be friends, but now you are getting mixed signals. That's the subtle part. When she says things like “I don't know” or “I'm not sure” (about being friends), my guess is it's not because she's confused, but because she doesn't want to sound like a total b**ch. And when she doesn't respond to texts or calls, she's sending you a message without saying the words.

Also… I know there are lots of women who make a perfectly valid choice to save sex for marriage. But the fact that she went two months without even kissing you gives me even more reason to think she doesn't like you like that .

Are you really interested in just being her friend? You're talking like a friend. You are talking like a guy who's really hoping she's going to change her mind. And I don't think this girl is going to change her mind. I think she's waiting for you to get the hint.

My advice is to let it go. I know it's hard, and I know you care about her, but from my perspective the message is clear – she's not interested. But I'm sure there are plenty of other girls out there who would be happy to have your company. Why not put your energy into a relationship with someone who will appreciate it?

Humbly yours,

Issuesgirl