Dear Sensitive,
Some girls don't know a good thing when they find it. I wonder if this chick is so used to being treated like dirt, she was uncomfortable with your style. Some women have been exposed to overbearing, dominant, abusive men so often in their lives that they think it's how a man should behave.
On the other hand. Most girls prefer a guy who exudes a minimum level of confidence. Some guys are born with it – even when they don't deserve to have it – but many fake it until they make it. Confidence is super sexy, and it makes up for a load of imperfections. Give me the average-looking, self-assured guy any day over the handsome self-doubter.
Here are some practical tips to get your confidence going:
• Sit up straight, and make eye contact when you are talking . Does this sound like your mother talking? She would be right. Everyone is more attractive with good posture. You know that statistic about how most communication is nonverbal? With confident body language, you say you know who you are and what you're doing. And don't forget to look her in the eye, no matter how scary it might seem.
• Take care of your appearance. You don't have to be a gym rat or a fashion slave to look put-together. But it does take some regular maintenance. Obviously, keeping your body in shape is going to up your confidence, both in and out of your clothes. But the little things matter too – and not just to the chick who's trying to decide whether to make out with you. Whether you are sporting a hip new shirt, just got a haircut, or lost five pounds, you feel just slightly more prepared to take on the world.
• Consider her opinion, but don't be afraid to make a decision. Sometimes you Nice Guys resort to “Whatever you want, Dear” in an effort to be considerate. But, if used too often, deferring to your companion can scream WUSS!!! Ask for her input, and get to know her preferences. But don't be scared of creating a plan or surprising her. Start with small things (like choosing a restaurant for dinner) if planning a whole night out sounds too scary.
Hopefully that will get you started. And remember, you don't have to feel confident to seem confident. But it won't take long before the feeling kicks in. Good luck!
Humbly yours,
Issuesgirl
